The SUPER Series: Triplet Premies' Mama NAUF AL MOAWAD pt.2
IN HONOR OF WORLD PREMATURITY DAY, I’VE INTERVIEWED ONE OF THE MOST INSPIRING MAMAS AROUND, NAUF AL MOAWAD. In PART 1 We learned about how nauf conceived triplets through ivF and was put into hospital for the first trimester.
Liane: You’re so brave to keep moving forward! How did the pregnancy and delivery go?
Nauf: After I recovered from the OHSS and first trimester disaster, it was relatively smooth. I was told to take it easy and was already full-term size at 20 weeks! Nothing major though, until I suddenly woke up on the 26th of February (at exactly 26 weeks pregnant) in full blown labour. On our way to the hospital I went into full-blown hysteria. I could feel Omar’s head between my legs. I was holding back and going against every natural instinct telling me to push. 26 weeks only!!!! …it was straight into the operating room. It was an emergency c-section and I was awake for it all. They cut into me. I had a wonderful doctor by my side just holding my hand and calming me down. Baby A was too far down, so Baby B came first. Abdulwahab.
The silence was deafening. With Dina, I remember the deafening cries. This time, not a sound. Doctors working furiously. I remember asking if he was alive and the neonatologist said, “We’re doing our best I promise” as he ran out with Wahab in his incubator, racing to the newborn intensive care unit (NICU). I didn’t even get to see him.
Baby A came next. Omar.
I saw the looks the doctors gave each other. They were “uh-oh” looks. They were whispering. He was barely alive. No one commented, they just ran out with him too.
Baby C next. Feisty Faye. They told me to look to my left and I saw her neonatologist working on her. I saw them intubate her. Deafening silence. They wrapped her in plastic and foil to keep her warm. All I saw is my baby girl’s scarily tiny leg. And off she went.
Liane: :((((((( that leg…How was the time at NICU? How long did it last and what happened to the babies?
Nauf: I went into shutdown mode. I pushed everyone away. I couldn’t deal with normal life. Life stopped for me and people were complaining about things like colds, sore throats and missed flights. It enraged me! My coping mechanism was to retreat completely. I clung onto my husband for dear life. I even followed him into the bathroom. I couldn’t bear to be left alone for a second. I cried uncontrollably. Non stop. My babies. Seeing them for the first time in the NICU paralysed me. 850, 860 and 980 grams in weight. That’s a tin and a half in baked beans. Both boys had Grade IV Intraventricular Haemorrhages (Grade 4 brain bleeds). That’s the most severe kind. I was told that IF they survive, they will be vegetables. That anywhere else in the world, I’d be advised to withdraw care. There was so much blood in their brains, you couldn’t see any brain matter.
Omar got sepsis. Faye got sepsis. Wahab got MRSA (a horrible, stubborn hospital bacteria). They all had Retinopathy of Prematurity (their eyes). They all have Chronic Lung Disease diagnoses. It was a living, breathing nightmare.
Nauf: Faye was in for 61 days, Wahab for 72 and Omar for 84
Liane: Ouf, that's long! What was it like when they got home?
Nauf: If I’m honest, it got worse for me when they came home. I didn’t feel like their mother. I felt like their doctor, their nurse, their pharmacy, their lawyer, their secretary, their caretaker. I was too scared to pick them up and cover them in kisses because I didn’t want to get them sick. I was scared they would break. The hospital flashbacks started when everyone came home. The machines beeping, making my heart race in the middle of the night. The sound of running - shoes hitting the floor. Following me in my dreams. I could feel them cut into my stomach again, and again, and again.
I was too scared to sleep. What if they stopped breathing?!
Liane: How did you deal with the PTSD, and were you able to get into a "normal" state with your family? And how was Dina throughout!
Nauf: I had to get help. I went to see a psychiatrist and she immediately diagnosed me with PTSD. She put me on antidepressants and recommended therapy.
Dina was really struggling at the time. She went from being a fully potty-trained, fiercely independent, sassy, confident little girl to a quiet, clingy, terrified child who was having accidents everywhere. It was heart-wrenching.
When the meds kicked in and I started opening up and talking, my life changed. Completely. I fell in love with those babies - as their mother. I left the medical stuff to the professionals and finally became their mother. I made time for Dina and I. I got all my children back. It wasn’t magic, it didn’t happen overnight. But it happened for us.
After our NICU experience, I don’t think I’ll ever go back to our old “normal”. We have a new normal now. And it works. I will go to bed and wake up every single day with worries. But that’s what a mother doesn’t, right? Developmentally, amazingly, the boys seem to be unaffected by the bleeds and are on track with their milestones. Wahab has some weakness in his legs, but nothing physio can’t fix hopefully. And I accept them fully. They’re perfect in my eyes.
Liane: Yay! I’m so happy. How does it measure up to the childhood fantasy you had growing up about Prince Charming and your son and daughter?
Nauf: It’s actually a million times better. My husband is so much more than a Prince Charming. He’s my rock, and he showed me strength and resilience I never even knew existed. I couldn’t dream of a better father for my children and a more perfect life partner. It’s not all roses and butterflies and you know what? That’s so boring anyway!
I now have two sons and two daughters instead - how amazing is that?!